i shall blog as much as i can.
that is, if i rmb everything of cause..
i kept thinking my posts are so short!!


i've heard so much comments from friends of mine..
& teachers.
telling me to look on the bright side,
be positive,
not caring about wad people have to say about me.
if those miserable people wants to comment anything about me,
fine! go on..
comment as much as you like..
no, i'm not pin-pointing anyone.
just feel like venting out all my anger that i've been holding for these past 2 years.

shocked that i can hold it for so long?
yay me (:


i hate mosquitoes..
seriously.. no doubt bout that.
i mean.. who actually love those blood suckers?
just gotten 3 huge bites for just 2 mins.
super mad.
i mean.. why does the food for mosquitoes have to be blood?
why cant they have a small world for mosquitoes,
where they can live & sleep in..
& most importantly,
i wish that they can cook,
& have those small coffee shops or fast food restaurants..
so that they will fill their bellies,
& they wont be able to bite us cos they're too full!!

haiyo.. you're dreaming lah joyce.
xD


had no practical today..
super mad. made me went bonkers ytd when heard that there are theory lessons today.
i suddenly cant find my pastry wksht.
searched through my fnn file & my main file..
but, no.. it wasnt there..
luckily faryal dint bring it too..
faizal's face was super black today.
he was late for class by 20 mins.
i guess we're all used to it by now..
faizal made us do squats..
i laughed throughout everything..
those words still roams around in my head..

"1 squat sir, 2 squats sir, 3 squats sir, 4 squats sir, 5 squats sir, 6 squats sir, 7 squats sir, 8 squats sir, 9 squats sir, 10 squats sir"

its like.. robots talking continuously..
*laughs*
just now, went to search for my wksht again..
was in a rage..
i found it in my bag!!
GOD DAMN IT.
i could have handed it in today..


saw mdm soh, tweety bird, outside 3/6 after school.
so i greeted her.
she signaled to me, telling me to go over..
i walked towards her..
she suddenly opened her arms WIDEEEE!
& i seriously thought that she wanted to hug me.
was super duper shocked.
instead, she just patted me on my shoulders.
gave me such a fright.
ytd during chinese remedial,
she was super nice to me.
she told me that i can do well for my chinese..
blah blah blah~~
she wasnt like that to me when we're having our normal lessons.
her attitude changed towards me.
nice (:


i have simply just so much to talk about guides today..
today was the first time when the ex-cos took over.
went to take the attendance book with pf.
took the attendance.
there was a camp..
3 days camp. i'm going to be super tired for sure..
suppose to so called, combine with npcc for the camp.
since most of them dont wanna combine cos it will sure be a hassle when it's showering time..
so, changed to the 2nd week.
both pf & i took charge of the planning of the camp..
we had to run ard the school, looking for kokila, loh & neo..

asked anyu bout some other things halfway..
she told us quite a number of things.
most of the guides stuffs will be changed..
& i dont suppose we can get gold this year.
but i sure do hope to get gold this year.
i told them i was such an extra..
they lectured me again.
everything in guides has changed.
secretary is currenly having the most stuffs to do.
& they do need an assistant secretary..
i do have to face things in another way now.
CL said that people are like..
giving her attitude.. saying that she is acting big & stuffs like that.
i'm not sure who to believe in..
asg wants me to be with them whenever they will be..
they want me to march with them..
& do things in guides with them..
i dont really know how to answer you guys whenever you ask me to be with you..
such a dilemma..

so, we called my sister to take charge for awhile to help me continue planning for the camp & farewell party..
i was quite shocked..
my sister came to me & told me some extras was "stealing" her "job"..
she took away my sister's job..
was very unhappy with her..
oh well, wad can i do?
my rank is not that high too.
had to teach the sec 1s marching today..
pf & i took my peer leadering grp junior, stella.
she did listen to us.. but she dint really apply to her skills.

next time, we'll just choose an enthu sec 1 guide!
hoho (:
cos, an enthu sec 1 guide will learn things very very quickly.


joelle smsed me the day before ytd.
said that she wants to quit fnn.
its so damn hard just to memorise all the vitamins & minerals.
i dont even know wad is another name for minerals..
it doesnt even state in the txtbk..
how do we even know wad it is.
we said to each other..
if we fail this test,
we'll quit fnn & go to art i suppose..
from wad i've heard,
but, fnn is like the easiest sub.
i dont believe myself now..
you need alot of brain power to rmb stuffs.
& i have a peanut brain.
just have to wait for the results..
*cross fingers*


i'm glad.
i still rmb sammi told me that whenever she turns on her computer,
the first site she will go to,
is my blog!
now, who is so nice like sam?
=)


btw, PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE MY MSN CONTACT,
I'VE CHANGED MY EMAIL TO,
rejoiceoverlittlethings@hotmail.com
PLEASE DONT ASK ME WHO I AM,
ITs SUPER ANNONYING. =/
THANKS!


you went online, i clicked on your nick.
i hoped to see,
your nick, is typing a message.
no, how wrong was i.

i wanted to sms you.
instead, after much consideration,
i just close my phone..


how foolish was i?
thinking that everything would come true..

4 days since i've last updated.
time check,
0030 (:


yep! i've been feeling alot alot better.. & i mean, ALOT better.
ain you people glad?
i have been laughing non-stop ytd.
i must say,
i really missed laughing, grinning & smiling all day~
i was super hyper la. run here run there..
unlike crying & be so miserable for these last 5 days..
i'm glad that i'm miles away from misery =)


sometimes, siblings can be quite a disgrace to you.
i dont really know if my sister really took his book by accident,
or someone just played a prank on either of us sisters..
thats not funny.
she said that it was not needed,
to return our classmate the book.
you said it was such a hassle to do that..
i did felt sorry for him,
having no books nor practice to do..
so, i took the book,
brought it to school, & shoved the book secretly below his table.
it was your fault to have brought the book back..
yet i had to take the fall for you..
i had to take an extra load to school.
i dread carrying such heavy bags to school..
& yet, you acted like a jerk & refused to chip in.
how inconsiderate..
no, inconsiderate is certainly not the right word to use..
i should have said,
unfair, unfillial, distracted, filled with jealously, etc etc..
you were doing your homework,
while doing, you fell alsleep.
who was the one who packed your bag?
who was the one who put your head comfortably on the pillow?
who was the one who covered with the blanket?
yes, i was the one.
i helped you.
i did wrote about you in one of my recent post.
i felt guilty.. actually, you deserved it.
no, i was feeling too sad about it..
so i deleted it away..
i never thought that you will still feel so ungrateful towards me..
showed me attitude.
thats your problem.
you have some bad attitude..
i've begged you loads of time,
for god's sake, change your fucking attitude..
have you at least tried? no.. not once.. & never in your life you will try..
i beg you my dear sister..
please change your attitude,
have you ever thought that.. why sometimes,
we dint answer your qus?


i must admit, i'm getting a lil bit paranoid nowadays..
not as in the supernatural stuffs..
loh, neo & kokila wants to put an extra post in the ex-cos.
so, they elected me.
i was the asst sec.
i couldnt be bothered anymore.
PL too. vidthya was like..
"i want to be PL, i want to be PL!!"
*rolls eyes*
you were the one who keeps pon-ing..
you shant blame anyone if you're the PS.

cant believe irene lim told loh the whole story..


samantha wants me to post something bout her in my blog.
so, here goes!
sammi finally let me see wad she has written about me during a compo practice..
the topic was about a role model you know. plus, it was ages ago! january i suppose?
read wad she have written..
mostly, its about,
me, laughing my head off.. laughing my heart out.
cheering her, alibaba & some other people up.
was quite touched while i was reading it..
reading it let me notice something..
i was known as,
the girl who keeps smiling.. if i dont smile,
it will be immediately OBVIOUS.
i do laugh at lil lil comments..
so, from today..
i shant be frowning nor sighing.
instead, i should rejoice at every moment,
so that, life will be more meaningful to me.

thanks sammi dearie! well written!
i stil wont tell you wo is "STS"
:D


i would love to thank someone.
thanks for telling me to cheer up on monday.
thanks for smiling.
no one like ever smile to me during these last 5 days..
only seldomly..
thanks for everything..
quan yuan (:
& i'll not forget that your birthday is nearing! ^^


went to je pg ytd.
was super funny.. i was laughing my heart out.
although it only lasted for less than 2 hrs,
i'm satisfied.. i'm satisfied with 2 crazy cliques that i'm having.
i love you,
alibaba & asg (X


i've learn to choose my own way..
positive or negative.
i'll choose positive.
thank you so much (:

i so called like,
eavesdrop my sis, ade & wankee's conversation on the phone.

i was practically crying when i'm hearing them..
what they had said was simply unfair..
even ade agrees..
its like.. someone suddenly backstabs you in the back cos she wanted badly to lead something..
& someone who never contributes anything to guides, have gotten the third position..
she never goes for any camps, nor any campfires..
both ade & i had contributed alot for guides..
no.. nothing good is ever returned to us now.


theres like no logic in everything now.
those who are bound to be,
wasnt in it.
& those who wasnt bound to be in,
was in..
there is no principles of reasoning anymore..
teachers dont really care about wad you feel.
if they see you bu shuang, then they will just treat you as rubbish.

wheres the fairness in this world now?


i'm like still so super sad..
but, hey..
thnks guys..
yilian, jessie, samantha, quanyuan, adeline, yenling & huili..
thnks guys.. i was really touched by you guys (:


is it karma thats happening to me?
is it because of all the bad things that i've done?
or wad i've done in my past life?
well, then tell me..
what do i need to do in order for me to repent for my sins?
i dont wanna feel this way..
i dread crying & weeping..

i knew that i wasnt like that before that fateful day..
i was the cheery one.. the one who brightens people's day.
everyone knows that i laugh alot..
now?
everything has changed..
just by thinking about it,
i feel terrible.. i wanted to appeal..
but i know that it will just only make things much more worse..

cant believe ade told her *ahem* that neo had insulted both my sis & i..
& the guides teachers being unfair to me.
her *ahem* said that he was very mad & wanted to make neo cry..
i dont think its quite neccesary lah..
the decision has already been made..
& nothing can change it ain it?


one thing i would love to say..
theres no justice & fairness in my world anymore..
but not for some of you guys out there..
i had to envy people all the time..
i hate it..
why cant i be perfect?
i felt that i'm such a letdown for those who had high hopes for me.
sorry..


i wont reply tags in the tagboard for today.
i'll just post it here..
hope you guys wont mind (:

TAG REPLIES

• yenling; hmm.. what if i dont have a topic i like? well, i'm hopeless ain i? yeah.. i'll seek help if i really cant do anything right. my physics sucks too! all because of that horrible teacher.. heh..
• samantha; why are you sad? i'm more "sadder".. haish~
• jessie; but, my heart is like.. dead? i need advice from people.. help me? LOL.
• yilian; but, you still have to think ah.. she hasnt contributed anything to us.. she never turn up for anything. but, shes still our friend.. maybe, she should give her more time, just to see if she really changed for the better anot (:
• cQy; i hate my life now.. i'm born stupid, & yet, this stupid prob is coming to me now.. its making my life much more worse.. ants.. hahaha. i'm the big giant who comes & kills them all.. nice one =)
• huili; hey.. i did tried to be strong, but i'm just too sensitive & emotional mah.. dying is like the best solution la. my dad like dont even care about my probs.. all he cares about is study, study & study.. no one would cry for me when i'm gone anyways.. yeah.. a long long way.. i dont think i'll ever made it till the end. ^^
• amanda; yo amanda!! hmm.. i think it was me.. heh. you haven tell me your url!! tsk tsk tsk.. take care!! xD
• roufang; heys mental! he like.. very wad la. always calls girls to ans his qus.. PUI! as if he's very shuai like that.

thnks for all your comments.

:D

i'm still upset..
up till now.


to yenling;
although i dont really know you. but thanks for hearing me out yeah? =)


i'm sorry puifun.
you're not in the wrong..
& neither do we..
its all because of the guides thing..
sorry i made you feel upset as i was unhappy.
you neednt feel upset for me either.


this world is so unfair.
why should i be living in it?
maybe i should heed her advice..
i shouldnt care about anything right now.
studies come first.
i have to get everything right for my studies.
but, who would wanna help me?


unfairness.. why must it be on me?
i feel so upset.
i feel like committing suicide..
i wanna end this depression..

efforts & my passion for this particular thing has practically gone down the drain..
i'm real disappointed..
after 2 whole years and 90 days of stupidity i've made,
i thought it was the best decision yet,
i'm wrong again..
everything's gone within a second..


i thought that today would be a happy day for me..
but how wrong i was..
i wasnt even that close to being happy.


i hate james kerk.
he's just being biased lor.. i did ask.
you just dint have to heart to hear wad i was saying.
i'll just prove something to you..
you're just being nice to pretty girls.
you asked me if i'm implying that i'm ugly.
well,
YES. a big yes for you..
i showed you attitude, so wad?
that little peanut wont empty those rage in me.


afternoon time was super saddening.
lots of fucking things happened in the last 1 hr..

some girl said i diao her..
she said i called out her name.
i'm not sure if she's reading this right now..
but, 1 thing i'll like to clarify..

i DID NOT diao you.
i was looking at my classmates & friends there..
e.g, priscilla, si min, eugene.. blah blah.
& 1 more thing..

i never called out your name.
it was some other girl in my class.. i dont even recall calling your name.
i dont know her..


she like.. knew loads of stuffs lah.
she even knows that i like that him..

I HATE KOKILA.
i dont hate her initally..
but now? i do.. alot.
was outside the office, looking for ms kokila.
she came out.. dunno why,
she started saying his name out. i was shocked lah..
i dint even tell her lor.. & yet she knows..
told her to lower down her volume, cos some guy who knew him was behind us.
instead, she called, "benny, come here." i think his name was benny lah..
& said, "this girl want to tell you something."
i walked away quickly.
& she told him that i like that guy lah..
they're like.. best friends.. & they gay ard.
he kept laughing.
i'm super pissed.


they announced the new ex-cos lor..

i'm super pissed. i cant believe that the NEUTRAL PARTY got in. the teachers are like super FUCKING BIASED LA. i know why they didnt choose shiping or my sis or yilian or adeline. its because we're like the protestants. their grp only accomodate 3 people. & if they were to choose the ex-cos, if cos they will choose the lesser grp of people. mrs loh thinks that shiping & her grp are the cause of ALL THE TROUBLES. but, actually, she ACL now, she has a good reputation.. some people and the guides teachers like respect her. and the CL, i felt so betrayed.. she has like.. 2 sided of her.

1: it was very long until the voting starts. she kept telling me about the ACL, she said how bitchy can she get?
2: it was a week before the voting. she suddenly said she was THE NEUTRAL PARTY.

i think she only want to grab more votes, make teachers think highly of her.. how pathetic, you shouldnt resort to this way. dont you know how many people you've hurt??
yes, i'm one of them..

my closest & best friend was in the ex-cos. hooray for her.
i felt so..
so mad. i'm filled with anger.


if any of the new ex-cos sees this,
its your own problem..
i'm not any jealous.
or any of the old ex-cos sees this,
or wankee,
please dont leak out?


now, the only person i believe in,
the only one i can confide in,
is jessie.

she called me, asking if i was feeling okay..
i think its real nice of her.
no one smses me nor come & cheer me up.

& yilian too.

thnks guys (:


now, i just dont know who to face her anymore..
she, my best friend,
i was having abit tears in my eyes..
suddenly, i like heard someone crying too.
guess wad?

she cried.
she said that her heart hurts to see me like this.
she dreads to see me being so upset.
she felt so hurt..

i have absolute nothing to say, just plain shocked at her reactions.
& she told me that my mood changed.. right after announcing the new ex-cos.
she said i wasnt like that before announcing those people.
i was super duper hyper active & having non-stop laughters.

i guess that, whenver my mood swings,
from an extreme joyfulness to extreme sadness,
its so god damn noticeable.


my GOD DAMN LIFE is seriously ruined now!!
more & more people knew that i like him.
hating guides more & more.
thinking of "pon-ing" guides soon.
everything sucks.
come & ask me.
i wont spill everything here.


mummy & i had this long talk..
saying that cca isnt that much of a use..
at most, it will only minus off 1 points from your O lvls.
to me, its very impt.. my studies are getting from bad to worse..
esp my fucking maths.

I WONT JOIN THAT BBC QUEST OR SOMETHING!!
i wont! i'm fucking stubborn..
yes i am. so what?


what emotions am i exactly feeling now?

fuck it,
my msn is seriously going bonkers.. i HATE IT!!!
i kept uninstalling it & installing it.
but, no use..
shucks.


chemistry test sucks.
we had 3 tests. actually it was meant to be 3, but, 2 in the end..
& the best thing is, it was the first period, follow by the second & third.
chemistry.. they said it was the solid first then the liquid.
but i drew the liquid followed by the solid.
it was condensation followed by freezing.
i wrote condensation and sublimation..
4 marks gone.
isotopes was spelled like that.
i spelled, "isotops"
where the fuck is that E?!
shit.
ss test was much better lah.
ms nurul gave us SO MANY HINTS! she even wrote down the points for us.
how nice (:

but people took advantage of her.
while she was writing on the board,
most of them were taking out their social studies textbook & copying them.
or they just took out their notes.
well, i didnt cheat.
can you believe it?
teachers gave their pupils special privileges & yet they overdo it.
how bad..

actually we're gonna have a fnn test today..
but faizal's dint tell us wad topic was coming out.
so, NO TEST!!
wooohooo~


i felt guilty.
she felt guilty too guys.. she told me that.
whenever teachers or our friends praises her & said art rocks like hell,
she feels terrible inside.
i dont know wad to feel..
guilty?
or i should just try not to dwell on it?
i'm so confused.


mrs yeo gave us a compre..
& that compre was bout a disney song.
then she gave us some moral support.
i thought to myself..
life may go wrong for me sometimes,
but, why should i think of death?
by ending my life,
who will be the ones who would cry for me?
its just a setback that happened to me..
so what?
i can just get back on my feet,
& start my journey all over again.

i've made up my mind!
i'll not be so upset if its really neccesary..
& you peepos are gonna see me smiling all DAY LONG!
i've finally changed my mind bout death & misery!!


& to yilian.. better prepared $5 for me tmr!
you're gonna lose the bet!! =D


BTW,


HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE DEARIE!
LOVE YA LOADS!

i promise you,
you'll get your present by tmr!!
yes! tmr!


i'm looking on the bright side of life now.
arent you glad?

& to him,
hope that you wont start to sigh now!

:D

feeling so sleepy.. actually din wanna blog. but,
haven update for 3 days.. might as well make it snappy (:


on monday.. while the 3 of us were walking to school,
we saw sammi! not shocking ain it?
but its kinda weird lah.. from day 1 of sec 1 to the day we saw her on monday,
we never walked into the school before.
so.. yeah!! one of the highlights of my day.

sometimes, i hate mondays.
cos mondays makes me feel sticky.
that p.e.. gosh.


although its 1+ now, i still feel that its tues today.
should be wed.
oh well, no difference ain it? except for the days & dates.


went for recess with jessie today. sammi dearie went for choir today!!
after jessie bought her stuffs,
she came back, & started thanking us for no reason..
i was abit shocked.. thought what had happened..
so i kept looking at her, her tears started to flow..
shocked again.
asked her what happened..
she said she was touched cos we listened to her,
as we did not really listen to her last year & the year before that.
was abit touched by her lah..
din cry, i controlled myself!! WOOO!

jessie, if you really need a listening ear, tell me!
i'm a good listener, i'm willing to hear you out! (:


had the esplanade performance thinggy..
oh yah! btw, wont be posting the photos now,
most probably post it by the end of this week.
i had a huge headache over what to wear for that performance..
finally decided on the black tee & the white skirt.
my maid suddenly came & put make-up on me.. T_T
went to jec.

anyu & shiping reached there le.
the moment i saw sp, i was at a loss for words.
heh.. its a compliment!!
& that particular guy, i'm seriously SERIOUSLY and i mean, seriously mad at him lah..
he made us miss 2 trains, dunno is it 3 trains anot, according to pf.
super mad. then i thought, i was going to sit beside him.. fuck.

reached the esplanade..
was standing there.. chatting & chatting & chatting..
a grp walked past me, REAL CLOSE.
looked up, saw someone, looked so familiar to me..
OH MY GOSH!!
it was him!! LOL~
he was dressed like..
"undescribable"..
was admiring him.. =/
he was so super shuai + cute!!
hahahahahahaha! no, seriously (:

& i doubt that he have seen me during the performance..
jasmine kept "feeding me with vinegar".
told me that she talked to him.
well, life's like that.
sometimes, you just have to appreciate what people has.


1 thing happened, after the intervention,
my sister suddenly LOST HER HANDPHONE AGAIN..
so she went to the toilet with yilian..
i kept staring at the exit door, saw them coming in.
i listened close, hoping not to hear any sniffing sounds.
cos sniffing sounds means that he/she was crying.
guess wad? called my sis's hp, it was off. i heard sniffing sounds too.
without thinking twice,
i pushed my way out of the people to the exit,
i think i scolded, "fuck".
oops? some other people shhh us.
damn them..
went out with my sister.
the 2 people in black were there..
i practically scolded her for losing her handphone in the toilet.
think that i did not scold her, instead, i lectured her.
cos her first phone was lost in the jp mrt station's toilet on christmas.
& now? its in the toilet again.
i think i've been too fierce.
but, its for her own good right?
she shouldnt be so careless after the first incident.
like me, i've learnt my lessons too. actually,
i din.. heh.

some cleaner came & return it to her in the end..
so relieved, that i cried.
thank GOD!! thank you SO MUCH!!
seriously, if it was lost, i wouldnt wanna think about how my parents would react.
anyways, everything's okay now.
-phew-


its getting late.
i'm turning in.
i'll try to post the pictures soon!
night people!
:D


him?
you look magnificient,
you look wonderful,
you look "oh so perfect"

entry deleted.

sorry, i was feeling so guilty..

sorry..
sorry..
once again..
sorry.

if anyone of you guys read the whole lot of paragraph, pls forget about it..
for those who haven read it,
good for you (:

a week have passed so fast.. esp life in sec 3.
it's so stressing..
& i'm deprived of sleep!! arghh..


had the voting for ex-cos today..
the first was anyu. second was durga.
we were in 4/1 wating. joan came in.. & said,
"joyce!! your turn!" of cos, i freaked out. & i screamed =/
seriously lah, everyone was so scared.. even i was scared too.
the whole class was filled with guides, & i meant, the class was REALLY REALLY full.
the front seats was mrs loh, mrs neo & ms kokila.
didnt want to take the microphone at first. cos my voice really sucks with the microphone lah..
i think my face was red bah.. kept smiling though (:
& the best thing is, I'VE FORGOTTEN TO GREET THE T'CHERS!! gosh..
i've forgotten what class i came from too. =.=""
i said, "err & erm" alot alot of times.
had to vote for 5 ppl. i've even forgotten who i've voted.. how stupid..
on my way out, the 3 teachers were looking at me..
this time, i've rmbed to greet them!
sound like a machine..

went to join anyu & durga after that.
i must say,
guides ended very early today. very very early..

went to have a look downstairs.
saw him in his squad. he kept looking ard..
made me laugh.
hoho!
&, i've said hello to him, he said hi to him.
rejoice!! woohoo!
kept laughing of cos.

jasmine kept pressurising me to tell her that a her which i claimed likes him.
told her in the end.
wells.. no harm done right?
they kept saying that she was a bitch.
tsk tsk tsk.


my weekends are going to be a terrible nightmare to me!
oh fuck.
i need someone to console me.
i feel terrible.. & when i feel terrible, i swear.
oh great.

nowadays.. i think i'm writing short posts.
really shorter than last time.
is it?


i got the feeling.. that i just want to go to the railways tracks.
sit there for hours..
recalling back my past.
my bad memories.. my good memories..
or simply just stare at the sky.

i feel so cold..

i think i'm suffering from anaemia? i'm always lacking of sleep..
BUT! i dont look pale. in fact, i look dark. nice (:

teachers caught me sleeping in class today..
chemistry, physics, chinese, & maths. esp maths period.
i felt so tired.. decided to put my head on the table..
suddenly, i hear no sound. the whole class like went quiet. mdm chang's not talking on the microphone. just dead silence..
looked up, the whole class was staring at me..
after staring, they laughed.
felt so embarassed.. =/
i hate going to school..
makes me feel so fed up.. arghh


tmr, all the sec 3 guides have to say a speech,
to make people vote for you as an ex-cos.
wankee told us to have a speech bout 3-4 mins..
i'm stunned.
still havent thought of what to say.
so dead..


i'm so NOT looking forward to the weekends..
i'm gonna suffer..
i'm gonna kill myself sooner or later..


i had some flashbacks just now.. i suddenly rmbed that time when i was smsing him.
he told me to talk to him. but i dont think i've ever spoken to him..
besides a hi, an ok and a laugh.
i rmbed when i msged him from noon to midnight..
called him "ub", called me "hg"
those times.. gone so far..
just a lil secret.. i havent deleted the sms when he asked me if my birthday was on the 27th of nov.
hohoho! cos i'm so shocked that he knew.
& some other smses of his..
hehh..

chinatown brings me loads of memories i must say..
havent been smsing him nor seeing him nor spoken to him.
feel so sad just thinking of it.
i have loads of comments bout him & a girl.
but i'm afraid that he might come here.
oh wells, he will never come here.
no need to be afraid then :D
he'll just go to that girl's web.. no, i ain jealous..
well, maybe.. just ABIT jealous.
i mean seriously,
no one likes a FAT girl anways (:


HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT
FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT
SHIT IT SHIT IT SHIT IT

3 days since i've last blogged.


i must admit.. these past few days,
it have been sheer madness to me.
i've like been crying the whole night.
imagine, the moment you come home,
& i meant, everytime you come home,
you're being called,
a "cheater"?
how would you feel?
hurt? upset? broken?
thats how i would feel.

we used to quick way out.
yes, we did. have you ever loved us?
instead, you practically SHAMED us.
i thought that you will feel remorseful..
instead, you're filled with anger, filled with rage.
shamed us.. how cruel can you be?
i mean seriously..

you never did asked us why we did that thing,
to make you feel upset.
no, you never asked.
you just told us how you would feel.
thats just simply plain unfair..
the reason was because, you were too harsh on us.
you use vulgar,
you somtimes even resort to violence.
that, i cannot accept.
& stop brainwashing bryan,
get the fuck off bryan, he's innocent.. he's only like, 6? wth.

i wanna say something.
if you people have any comments bout my size,
please refrain from telling me?
some people just wont know the feeling to be hurt by someone's remarks.

i'm in despair.
i hate going home nowadays.
i'm starting to hate school.. alot.
i'm beginning to think of committing suicide.
& i'm thinking of leaving home..
adults just dont understand me..

i hate maths.. i cant catch up in class anymore.. i felt like i'm a huge failure.
i need coaching, but not from him.
i want tuition.. any recommendation?


ms lim told us bout the thru-train thing that our class is taking.
she said mrs teo was not very impressed with our term 1 results.
& said, if this continues, we're going to take our N lvls.
seriously, i think taking N lvls before O lvls is much more better..
at least you got the experience.
after hearing this,
i felt like ending my life.
i'm so god damn fucked up.


i'm sorry for being so ugly,
last but not least,
i'm sorry for being so fat.
i'm sorry people out there..

im gonna be sooo dead tmr..

=]

3 days since i've last blogged.
hohoho!!
MAPLE MAPLE MAPLE!! heh~


went to far east ytd with puifun & yilian.
after that went to J8.

1 sickening problem is..
I HAVE CARSICK!!
oh my god.
this "illness" is coming back.
i hate riding on any single vehicle which have wheels.
i almost puked on the bus.
i almost puked on the taxi.
i almost puked on my dad's car.
i HATE being nauseous!!
mad*


school's reopening soon..
homeworks left undone..
i've left,
2 newspaper articles; 1 book review; 1 journal entry; physics TYS; maths worksheet.
cant rmb if i've left out anything..
oh wells~


blisters!! AHHH!!
i hate new shoes.
new shoes makes me have blisters.
i love old shoes (:


havent let my parents see my progress report.
seeing them being so happy,
i just couldnt bear to see their mad, black & sad faces.

i mean, we've just started our 3rd year in the school.
new subjects are pilling on.
& i used to take NA maths,
but now?
i'm taking express & A maths.
& my brain will take a longer time to catch up in class.
to understand wad mdm chang is teaching.
but i did pass my express maths din i?
but i failed my A maths.. T.T

& chemistry & physics.
its new right?
physics teacher sucks.
his teaching sucks.
no wonder i failed my physics..

chinese!! I'M SO MAD!
but i do have a reason for why i got 49 marks.
fucking tweety bird.
fuck it.


why why why?!
i hope ms lim forgets to collect the progress report.
in the meantime,
just have to hope that we can drag time,
drag on till the next progress report.
how long is this going to take?
i'll just pretend that i've forgotten all bout it.
hope ms lim will NEVER call my parents
-shakes head-


pictures of my purple shoes!

ALAS! beautiful purple~


well, bought these at junction 8.
those salesperson kept looking at me while i'm trying them on.
-.-""
dont think i'll wear these to school..
maybe, maybe not (:


i'm still so fucked up.
i seriously dread going to that concert thinking that i'm gonna sit next to him.
arghhh..


after hearing that song,"stan"
by eminem & dido,
i wanted to cry =/
the song is seriously very saddening.
cant paste it here,
the lyrics is 3 pages long.
woah~


i've hunted to full set of tubes ytd!!!
WOOHOOO~
its maple of cos :D




red flowery tube; black tube; blue flowery tube & purple tube!!
HOHOHOHO~


heres a meaningful poem..

in the darkness i look for someone,
in the cold i stretch out an arm.
but nobody comes,
nobody warms me.
i'm all,
all all alone.
i'm so afraid.

inspired by a book.


i just want everything to be what i want it to be.
is that so wrong?

so mad..
every single games was having problems,
was under maintence..
maple was under maintence till 1400.
neopets was lagging like siao!!
& it hangs.
i've already hacked 5 people's accounts!
woohoo~
& the best thing is, 1 of them was my close friend..
heh..

actually, neopets is still quite fun..
everytime i filled my shop with food,
up to 81 spaces,
after 3 mins, i went back to my shop,
more than half of my shop was being CLEARED!!
woohooo~


okay. seriously, i hope my sister wont see this post..
my sister's friendster name was, "LOSThope"
& theres this guy, named "Dennis",
it was ade's idea to intro him to my sister.
call me lame if you want, i seriously have absolute nothing to do right now..

& TAKE A LOOK AT THIS TESTIMONALS!!
actually, this 4 testimonals, SHORT testimonals..

TESTIMIONAL NUMBER 1;
Hey =)
you are actually quite pretty =)
must have more self confidence ok =)
bye bye=)

TESTIMONAL NUMBER 2;
This girl ah really very nice
it is impossible that she doesn't have a boyfriend =)
whoever becomes her boyfriend is the luckiest guy on earth =)

TESTIMONAL NUMBER 3;
hey cute princess ,
the march holidays are coming =)
can't wait =)
such a nice person is hard to find nowadays
so super niceeeeeeeeeeeeee
not to mention beautifullllllllllllllllll
has a nice personality
nice to talk to
and very humble =)
i shall write until here =)
bye bye cutie princess =)
MUST HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF =)

TESTIMONAL NUMBER 4;
hey beautiful princess =)
you must have more confidence in yourself and not always think that your life is meanless ok
i shall write until here
take care
bye bye

---END OF TESTIMONALS---


know wad i think sister?
i think he's beating ard the bush. he's talking to same old stuffs.
he repeats himself.
seriously, i have no idea why my sister likes him.
thats wad i think, i dont even know if my sister like him anot.
& that guy,
he thinks that wad he writes, can make her heart beat faster?
or make her heart jump?
seriously,
if he wanna get hold of her,
he's gonna have to get through & past me first
(:

i'm such a good sister.
-compliments-


i'm filled with angst! i feel so hopeless!!
he did not reply my messgae.
i'll just take it as,
he's forgotten or he fell alsleep.
or his phone sending fail or something.
sometimes, i dont wanna find out the truth.


sorry anyu, shiping & puifun!
esp to anyu!!
sorry for not accompanying you guys to watch nanny mcphee ytd.
i was saving my money for dorm.
hehehe..
once again..

SORRY!


i've observed loads of things.
yes i do.
:D


i want to change my seating for the esplanade!!
CHANGE!
CHANGE!
CHANGE!!!
sometimes, his behaviour really creeps me out.
he lies bout his grandfather or something.
he lies bout his girlfriend in japan,
which he claims that she have passed away as she was having cancer.
he lies bout him driving a sports car.
hello? you're not even 18 or 21?
he lies bout having A HUGE FORTUNE waiting for him in his bank account.
he lies bout having a really cool car.
& the best of all, he's gonna sit next to me during the esplanade performance.
god!
i wanna change places with either jie or puifun or anyu or shiping!!!
HELP!


my arms are still aching..
ouch*


alakazam!
i wish you were a frog!
so that you will listen to me whenever i'm speaking!

i found myself,
having no reason to smile.


oh great.
i'm having aches all over..
my butt hurts. =/
my arms & shoulders hurt..
i think it's becos i have not exercise for ages!
heh~
that explains my size (:


i'm so lazy to get outta the house..
have to go back to school again later.. sighs.
but look on the bright side!
i'm going shopping with asg later! wooo~


ytd.. jie went for an eye checkup.
she complains that she cant see the whiteboard.
gosh.. she's like.. sitting infront of me during class.
& she cant see. hoho!
but i can! cos i have 6/6 vision :D
but! she doesnt need to wear one cos her eyesight is on the borderline of myopia.
i wanna wear glasses too!
^^

looking at the happy faces of my parents,
i couldnt bear letting them down with my utterly disgraceful results..
sighs..


i bought a new bag ytd!!
WOOO!
& my mum was unhappy bout it..
cos on jan, i bought an op sling bag.
& i used it for bout 3 mths, then, i've changed another bag.
she thinks it's wasteful..
but i think it's cool!
having to change bags for 3 mths.
hohoho!


i suddenly thought of an incident,
theres this particular girl, alibaba knows her.
i still rmb, when i was sec 2,
she scolded me, bitch.
we knew immediately it was her.
we were in the computer lab.
so my sis, who was in a rage,
stomped madly to her, and swing that girl to face her,
& she scolded her,
"what the fuck, she wasnt even online, how can she even scold you?! & fucking hell, stop going to her blog! shit you"
yep! thats wad i rmbed.
& i started & diao her.
now, i think shes letting out the infos of people..
ahhh.. complicated.
hehhh~


i'm learning how to repent for my sins.
i wanna do something good for people.
thats why, i'm starting to do good deeds for people..
=)


i wanna return to my childhood..
where there is unlimited happiness.
x)

i feel like changing url..
but,
its so troublesome!!
arghhh..


seriously,
everything i do, no one really bothers me..
nor take notice of what i do.
if i'm doing something bad..
then they will take notice of it.
but if i'm doing something good,
they wont notice it.
i wonder..
does my parents really regrets giving birth to twins?
all they care was my brother,
my 5 year old brother.
younger children tend to get more attention than older children.
no, dont get me wrong.
i dont want any attention.
i'm not an AS nor SA.. & i'm esp not an AA.
hahahaha!


i hate people who say people fat.
FAT PEOPLE RULES!
dont discrminate them..
ever wonder how they will feel after you comment them on their size?
i dont know why..
i'm so sensitive to the 3 letter word.
sensitive!!
i hate that..


i knew it! i knew it long ago!!
no, i did not regret bout his answer.. although i was abit shocked after hearing what he said.
actually, not to me..
wads the difference?

what am i to him?
oh..
peanuts.
heh heh..


i think i'm gonna hate the holidays.
ANTI-MOCKS!
anti everything!!
i just wanna do stuffs by myself..

i'm beginning to hate fnn lessons..
esp practicals.
i hate having to walk to the kitchen alone,
i hate having to walk back to class after the lessons,
i hate having to be under control by someone.
LOOK!
i'm big & strong!
& i'm no push-over.
next time, i'm gonna be fiercer,
& mostly,
i'm not gonna be pushed over by someone who's smaller size than me.
yes, i'm younger than anyone else in the kitchen.

mum & dad,
can i drop fnn?


jessie!
LOVE HAPPY PEOPLE!!
:)


you never did all those things that you used to do.
ahhh.. disappointments..
a fat girl cant do anything right?
as if a fat person can change the future..

miss lim said i was,
cheerful,
chatty,
& was a responsible chemistry rep.
my conduct was excellent.
:D

i wont go into details about my terrible results.
yep~


seriously,
i'm still not sure about how to break the news to my parents..
they're still clueless that we've already got back our progress report.
ahhh..
i feel so bad.

had outdoor cooking.
actually, should be,
"indoor cooking"
heh.
whats the difference?
its just indoor & outdoor.

seriously, those sec 5s seniors of mine are serious "day-brighteners" to me.
:)


joan told me something bout him..
again..
she said he dont talk to girls that much.
only to his class girls..
















































ahhh..
what the heck.
as if it can change anything..


HAPPY! :)
BE LIKE ME.

i'm pretty upset today.


seriously.. he treats me as if i'm invisible.
ahhh..
sad..
disappointed.
-kills myself-

jez told me.
someone called "ah-ma-li-na" knows that i like him.
gosh..
i must admit, i was abit pissed lah..
her whole squad knows.
-.-"""


that god damn bastards,
SHENGLONG & SEBASTIAN!!!
they din take the chinese test,
& therefore,
the chinese marks which i've scored 67 would NOT be counted in my progress report.
what hell..
i'm SOOO bloody pissed off.
so pissed that i cried.
even lk's mad.
sam's mad.
jie's mad.
only those people who pass would NOT be so fed up.
i'm REAL mad.


i'm gonna fail my chinese,
maths,
science,
combined humanities.
argh.. i was really really low today..
even my ss marks would NOT be counted.

told mdm chang that i wanted to jump off the building.
hohoho.
yilian scolded and hit me.
told me not to do anything stupid.
mdm chang told me how to tell my parents.
but i think that will not work ah..
thnks people..


went to mac with pf, sam, jie & jez.
we're like.. having the "last" happy moments before we suffer tmr.
went to the playground..
suggested by jez.
heh heh heh..
played like wild animals.
after that, had some talks btw ourselves.
i'm sure to get some sun burns tmr!
YESYESYES!!
i love getting dark (:
i had a flashback..
when exactly was the last time i had such fun ever since i stepped into secondary school life?
i had loads of laughs.
which i long for..
thnks guys..
i never did think about taking back our progress report when i'm having such fun.
all the best guys!
i'm sure going to flunk EVERYTHING!!

love ya guys!! :D


treat me as if i'm visible okay?
i miss those times badly..

i feel bad,
i feel sad.


i got 67 for my chinese!
for me, its a big big BIG improvement le.
WOOHOOO!!
lk even tried to "kill" tweety bird with a brick!
aiyo..


din do anything during guides today..
we just had some, "talk" to patch things up.
& i asked HER* a qus bout something,
i felt rage all over me all of a sudden..
she's just so unreasonable,
& she's twisting & turning stories.


saw so many people cried for the past few days..
seriously,
whats this world coming to?


gonna complete my fnn..
tatas! =)


sister of mine;
pls dont let miss lim's comments ruined your mood.
i think she doesnt meant what she says.
if she really wants to see mum & dad, i'll help you.
just promise me,
study harder k? (:

yilian;
dont be so stressed up bout the atoms & such yah?
i'll help you complete it!
no doubt bout that ^^

yesyesyes!
just finished half of the fnn homework.
ahhh.. good gracious!
its so difficult. & i've left minerals.
gonna complete it tmr (:


i dont understand.. again..
why cant microsoft word recongise words like,
"anaemia, haemoglobin, tocopherol, calciferol" etc etc..
hohoho!


I HATE THE SECURITY GUARD,
DAVID!
pui!


i was walking home with jie & puifun;
i was at the front while the 2 of them were at the back.
i turned my head back, and
poof!
MY SISTER FELL DOWN ON HER KNESS!
wahahahahaha!! i couldnt stop talking bout it. xD


james kerk's NOT coming for physics lessons tmr!!
WHOOPEE!!


jessie,
take care k? dont say that you're fat or anything.
you're not,
but i am.
& no one really understands me anyways.

oh wells..

guess wad? our school's name wasnt in the syf list. & most of us did not regret.. its like.
their disclipine was SUPER SUPER STRICT!
the sock must be 4 fingers length above your ankles,
no fringes must be seen,
no flying hairs,
no bun-ing up of hair and no pony-tails.
must be plaits.

ahhhh.. strict strict strict.


went to junction 8 after the briefing.
ate at LJS.

sp & anyu had to leave early for tuition while zubaidah had something on.
so, left the ASG! (:

went to take np's! YAYS!


had campfire at rv ytd. theres only the 9 of us attending it.
& i must say, their gateway was simply marverllous!
& v v high too.
overalls, the campfire was quite fun!
we were quite HIGH at the activites.
i love my sec 5 seniors ^^


getting back our progress report soon.
i know it's gonna suck.
hope for the better!

yilian! if you're reading this,
save it here k? send these to ade or pf when they're online yah? X)



the insane clique; ASG!

my hair must have fallen off. shucks >.<

LOOK AT PUIFUN! watatatata! X))

yl's pulling her eye. -.-""

bunch of monkeys. HELP! pf & i cant breathe! =X

ACT DAO! heh heh heh..

the kings & queens!

*pulls out tongue*

moodswings~

cant take this sheer madness no more.


i'll cry whenever mummy & daddy quarels. why dont they understand?
they thought that when both of them shout at each other, the most hurtful ones are their children.
i dread hearing them quarrel.
hoping for the better*


the homeworks given by faizal is getting harder & harder..
esp the one with tables, the fact is,
i dont know how to draw tables using microsoft word.
dumb~


had an A. maths test today & i've forgotten all about it!
i've been craming for history, fnn & english.
ahhh.. my sec 3 life, so stressing.

intially, puifun promised me that she's gonna let me copy her maths test.
BUT! in the end?
it was i who helped her correct her work, and even let her copy mine!
aiyo..


guess who's the new mr kerk's wife?
MY SISTER!
heh heh heh..
whenever i see james kerk, i'll shout out to him, & point to my sister, & say, "MR KERK! MRS KERK'S HERE!"
hohoho!


i wonder.. why does slim & thin people often say that they're so FAT & UGLY? it doesnt make sense.. if those chio & slim people say that they're FAT & UGLY, doesnt that means those people who're really FAT & UGLY worse?
it just doesnt make sense..
*rolls eyes*


guides today was si bei HORRIBLE!!
i think i shouldnt write it in my blog,
or someone else might see it. worse come to worse, she might read it & get mad & starts to cry.. sheesh.
i'll post it as a draft ( :

& btw! i was really really shocked that your comments towards her was, "neutral".
gosh gosh GOSH.. dont you know that word, neutral, really shocked us all?
dont you know you just hurt your best friend?
disappointed*


okay!
NO MORE DEPRESSING MOMENTS!
seriously, i think the t'chers are going to side with her.
like wad one of the guides t'cher said, she's a girl with potential.
doesnt that means she's gonna be the company leader or any of the ex-cos?
sighs.


zubaidah told me something. i guessed she must have saw my reaction towards somebody.
she told me that her 2 **** (a cca) friends said that i like somebody, which was true.
but the fact is, i dont even know them?
& yet, they know who i like. i guess his whole squad must have known it by now.
cool! ^^


syf's tmr. no one says what time to meet nor what to being etc etc..
i guess they're just pissed.
gonna call them later when their anger cools down.

CHEER UP SHIPING! ADELINE! etc etc..
she's NOT worth your anger & tears to shed for
RMB! theres still me shiping!
rmb those times we had? we're so happy & we're pair no. 2 right? had fun playing those games with you,
i missed those times when we are miles away from the word, unhappiness.
cheer up peeps!
:D


i've craving for a movie. but no money..
fan nao!!
ARGH..


put the past behind,
celebrate those good times we had.

even though it happened once in a lifetime,
i'm contented.


this computer of mine is seriously driving me nuts!! arghhh! stupid connection..


hoho!
i've scored 16/35 for my physics!!
-cheers for me-
i dont know why, the moment i got back my physics paper,
i just started smiling and smiling and laughed.

i've failed. yes i have;
but! its my first time right? bu yao qi nei!
i'll do better next time round :D


i do feel sad bout my results,
so i use my markers to write some phrases at my palm.
i wrote..

"BE CHEERFUL!"
&, "smile like me!"
together with some other emotions.
i must admit, that really did helped alot. i'm feeling much more better after seeing those heart-warming words on my palm and in my notebook.
thats one of my way to keep myself away from sadness!^^

no wonder..
my notebook's filled with THOUSANDS of them!
hohoho!!


cant believe kalis's dropping outta fnn and joining art!! i'm thinking of dropping outta fnn too. gonna ask daddy to write a letter to the principal (:


sometimes, we must look on the bright side.
no matter what obstacles that blocks you,
continue your journey and never give up on yourself cause you're the only one who can save yourself.

i'm glad that i've changed my mind about not going to school today (:


i'm left stunned;
speechless;

it came true ^^


& joan!! you made me so embarassed today during guides!!
>.<


i wish today was ..
everyday

i feel terrible today.
couldnt stop making that sniffing noise nor the coughing sound.
so sickening >.<


i keep saying, "ever seen a pig talking? ever seen a pig blah blah blah?"etc etc..
until the guys get so annoyed.
no. seriously guys, i'm a pig :D
hohoho!


ms lim changed our seating plans today after c.t!! gosh. i slept after the physics paper today.
& when i woke up, my vision was blurry. & i could not see a single thing in sight.

well,
guess wad?

i'm sitting at the center of the class, next to me was santosh!! AHHHH!!
-pulls hair out-
& next to santosh was yilian! wooo!!
YILIAN! =)


during maths remedial today, i was calling mdm chang in a loud voice.
she din reply me, so i shout louder.

& that bloody firdaus said, "oi! shut up lah" i'm appalled. i'm not gonna lose to him right? i said, "wtf? was i even talking to you?"
everytime when i'm talking, he'll cut in & start to yak yak yak non-stop.
how rude.
my sis helped me to get back at him.

the shouted the F word to we sisters. mdm chang said that he's contaminated.

WOOHOO!! seriously, the more i see him, the more i wanna hit him right into his bloody idiotic face.


tmr ade & jie's gonna take over guides & become "ex-cos" for the day!
JIA YOU! hope nothing will go wrong like me! X)


EXACTLY 9 MORE MONTHS TO MY BIRTHDAY!
-CHEERS!-


depends..
maybe, i'll not go to school tmr (:


dont leave.

Silence whispers, tragic moments in time. Hatred, madness,
all the feelings of mine.
Lamentation, forgiveness. A world torn apart. Loving, wanting,
feelings from the heart

Alone, unaware, as a tear starts to fall. Afraid, darkness. I fear for all.
Riping, tearing, as my heart breaks

Caring, believeing,
Is all that it takes.


i'm not over the moon,
neither am i rejoicing.


dont throw tantrums at me.
you know that you shouldnt speak to me when i'm mad.
how annoying..

yilian just sent me those thinking day photos. so, here they are!! although its a few days ago.. but, makes no difference! (:

trying to act dao, but found out that i couldnt stop smiling.

we're criminals! 5 girl guides criminals! be very afraid. (:

puifun's slapping me! aww, sad.

adey & me! actually, she's much more crazier than me! hohoho! =)

some guiders are downstairs guiding us through the songs. whheee~

I LOVE MY ASG!!

i was feeling REALLY REALLY upset yesterday. & that mdm soh had made it much worser for me. i wont be posting it in my blog. its too embarassing. seriously, dont you know that my day has already been so bad?! why make it worse for me? i treated you nicely, yet, you discriminate people like me, calling me names. well, fancy that, a teacher calling her own chinese pupil names. seriously, i'm appalled by your comments. you can just keep your mouth shut you know? or just keep your utterly disgraceful comments to YOURSELF.


took the wrong book today for assembly. i took the english book instead of my mother tongue book. i ran back to the 5th floor. during that time, loads of sec 4s were coming down. i ran up, & theres bound to be some shock. & the most funny part that happened. i was running up as i thought no one would be coming down anymore. i ran & ran, at the stairs there, someone actually was walking down in a quick pace. he was from red cross if i'm not wrong, & was the head of red cross? most people i knew said he was v cute & kuku. the moment he saw me rushing up, he like..
JUMPED OUTTA HIS SKIN!! WAHAHAHAHA!
i still can imagine his look on his face. seriously, i laughed real loud. he seems to be very blur in things.


guess wad? faizal din come to school today. NOT COOL. he's always like that. everytime when we're having practical, he DONT come. & everytime when we're having theory lessons, he DID come. its not fair. he din turn up for theory lessons once, and, he took our practical time and made it theory. NOT FAIR! i bet he cant let us have 2 practical lessons a week. sighs.. i miss practical lessons.
not fair not fair not fair!


everytime after pali, sali & gali ended their art lessons, i'll be prepared to listen to their interesting happenings that has happened during their art class. mostly, its about R. they showed me how R laughs during class. i think her laughter is so sickening.. at least my laughter is better right? i think she laughs as if she's having an asthma. she's such a attention seeker. i still remember, during our camp, she walked past me, i looked at her. she just looked away. imagine that.. how rude. she asked us, "are you guys photogenic?" i'm like.. who are you asking? you should ask that question yourself. look how many photos did you have in your friendster? goodness.


forgotten to bring my cca tee today. how dumb.


guides was fun though.. we keep picking and plucking the grasses & twigs & sticks & keep throwing at wankee & chengyi. dunno what happened, wankee & chengyi took off their shoes & wanted to throw at my sister. i said, "dont take out your shoes lah! later all the birds all fall down to the ground." that means the birds will die after smelling the stench. my sister objected, she said elephants will drop down. i said, "NO! not any normal elephants! its DUMBO!" just a disney character. ahhhh. thats lame.


something happened during our games. i was suppose to catch the ball, we were playing caption's ball. i hit the ball to my sister. instead, i think the ball went haywire, and it hit HER* right in her head. i apologized, she diao me. i'm mad! those sec 5 guides came. we talked bout HER*. one of them told me that she cant stand the sight of her. simply just agreed. their clique said that i can compare with huizhen. cos both our laughter almost seems alike. we laughed out loud, talk real loud. finally! found someone who loves to laugh like me! i've never laughed out loud until today. my seniors rock!


sometimes, i want to be sequestered for awhile. i need some time alone.. to refresh what i've done, all the bad memories i have. i'm leading a miserable life i must say..


its the end, no more turning back..

i felt so ashamed.
i felt so lost.
i felt so embarassed.
i felt so unwanted.
i felt so unappreciated.
i felt so dumb.

i hate myself.
i wish i never exisited.


i could just dig a hole & bury my head in it.


i'm so depressed..

thinking day's TODAY!!

instead of celebrating it at the parade square, we had it in the hall. goodness.. i was at the most corner side. i looked up at the gallery. i saw linda & sammi pointing to me! & laughing. wow.. from afar.. they CAN see me. no comments..


it seems that everybody was practically playing with my 2 ponytails!! so embarassing!!


i dont think chinese lessons will do me any good. the teacher doesnt teach us anything. all she does is nag nag nag, scold scold scold. such a waste of time. i prefer ong han guan!


saw him during recess!! he was behind me. i should say, behind behind. he smiled at me! & after that, he was somehow beside me. i plucked up my courage. i said, "HELLOOO!!" his reply? "HI! HI! HI!" if i'm not wrong. hohoho! i coulnt stop smiling nor laugh. he's so cute when he's eating.
hahahahaha!


after recess, we decided to play a trick on puifun. she had taken some cookies to school today. i took her cookies away when she's not looking. & i passed it to sammi & jie. they hid it. puifun would NEVER suspect them of stealing. instead, she went to the boys side when she found out that her cookies was gone. then, 1 shocking thing happened! i saw her tears starting to flow! shocked, i signaled to them, telling them to give her back her cookies. i would never had expected her to cry. I PASSED MY CHEMISTRY!!
WOOOOO~
i'm sosososo glad! although i almost failed..


played truth or dare after remedial. sammi chose truth. we've decided to ask kalis to ask sammi a qus. guess wad he asked? "how many bras do you have?" i'm like.. GOSH! did he just say that? all of us roared with laughter. so did i. & someone asked puifun what type of pads does she use.
disgusted?
LOL!


saw him outside his class.
hohoho =)


BTW!
THNKS YILIAN FOR THE FIR CD!
tyty! =D


maybe, its a new beginning. (:

tmr's thinking day. and we're changed places with the sec 2s.
now, we're standing at the left side of the parade square. & i'm at the corner! wooo~ i'm standing at the back! YAYS! no need to feel ashamed anymore. used to stand at the front when i was in sec 2.. gosh.


i was really in a FOUL mood when talking to her. cant believe pali went to tell HER* we're going down for recess. we could have gone off w/o her. i hate her!


he's taking a sling bag! just like me! so cute!
WOOHOO!


i love MCR!
i love FIR!

seriously.. why am i overjoying at every single thing?

I LOVE BEING CHEEFUL (:

dad, you have been scolding and yelling at me ever since yesterday. i just wanted to take some papers for my maths, yet you scolded and said i was stupid & dumb. you said i was a useless bumhead. & that i couldnt do any simple things right.
FINE! then tell me, whats right whats wrong?

i knew i'm poor & lousy in maths. you think i want my maths to be lousy? i used to get 20/100 for my primary school maths. but i did pass my psle maths didnt i? & now? for secondary 1 & 2, i got A1 didnt i? you din appreciate that either. only mum did.. she even gave me something for my results. you just gave me a hell lot of scoldings.

what was your comment to me after my psle results?
"what the hell?! NA?! did any of my family members get into the NA stream?!"
those shocking coments of yours. did you ever consider how those NA pupils felt whenever people critisise them?


i asked you bout some computer stuffs. you told me to on the computer to show you. in the end, you told me whats wrong of it. and you scolded me stupid for as i on the computer.
god damn it, it was you who told me to on the computer.

get the fucking facts right before telling me that what i'm doing is wrong.

suddenly, i felt like spilling every single thing in my blog. something's wrong with me..


my computer modem broke down. cant use the computer yesterday. why cant it break down at some other time? why must it be now?
I'M SO GOD DAMN MAD!!!


yesterday.. went to jp with ALIBABA. we went to watch "49 days"!! yep! i sat at the center. i now realise.. everytime i watch a horror movie with my pals, i'm always sitting at the center. and i held pf's hand close to me. so that everytime a horror part comes, i'll hold pf's hand to hide the image away. heh heh heh.. overall, the movie is okay i guess. i almost cried at a part. so touching!


had girl guides thinking day today. i kept switching places. dunno why.. mostly did some singings. yeah.. OH YAH! one REAL funny thing happened which neither miss kokila nor i couldnt stop blabbering about.

theres this particular school which i'm not going to name. their school won the bronze pna award. when their school was called, they were cheering. and i tell you. they are girls. and when they start to open their mouths, OH MY GOSH!! it sounded like a bunch of guys's voices.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i think my stomach is going to burst any moment now.. and miss kokila keep reminding me bout the school's cheer. *laughs*


you guys are treating me coldly during the thinking day. i didnt want to say anything actually, but yes. YOU*, you're the bestest girl i've ever known. you even knew that i wasnt in a good mood and you came to my aid. you rock. you and only you.

& i'm beginning to hate her even through she used to hang out with HER*. stop getting on my nerves will you?


& whats the matter with my family?! everytime i start to watch tv, you guys start to talk. my grandma talks to herself and real loud. my dad & mum cant stop blabbering, screaming, yelling each other's head off. my brother cant stop playing his cars and making that awful noise.. i felt so pathetic. cant i just watch tv in peace? and you people would make noise everytime i do something that you guys abhores. telling me to study study..
please.
cant i just have some peace at home? i prefer staying in school than coming into this chaotic house. at least, i have someone who really understands me. other than those people in this house who dont listen to me.
whenever i start to talk to you guys bout how i felt in certain kind of things.
you people just wont get me..


cant believe you are ticking people off & say people FAT. god damn it, she was once your best friend. what the fuck happened now? maybe you just couldnt stop poking your nose & spitting nonsense that did NOT even exist. yes, it proves that you HATE FAT people. saying people FAT. i saw the testimonal that your friend gave you.. cant believe that a pair of good friends might become a HUGE disaster. seriously.. i cant believe it on my own either..


NO! it was NOT E who nudged HIM! it was actually A!! OH MY GOD!! cant believe it.. he must have told them!! he must have! no doubt bout that (:


your mesmerizing smile.. i wish i could see it everyday.
i wish i could talk to you.
seriously. i do (:


i wanna feel how it's like to be loved

i hate maths periods. and the best thing is.. everyday, theres 11 periods of maths. including of A and E maths. had to check the maths file today.. i was so fricking stressd up. so tired.. i wanted to take a break after maths lesson. din know i fell alsleep.. and no one woke me up! luckily it was the last period.. so, no harm done (:


during combined hum lessons today.. its like.. almost more den 90% of the class had 1/15 for the SEQ. of cos! i got 1 mark for that test. 3/6 and 3/7 were v v noisy. mrs leong told us to go to the parade square and was going to have our lessons there. most of them find it stupid and a waste of time. but i find it pretty cool to have our lessons at the parade square!


after school, i accompanied yilian & puifun to a shop. they wanted to buy something, dont wanna be left alone. so, accompanied them. i'm glad i did follow them. they went in to pay for their stuffs. i was looking at yilian's physics answers outside the shop. i looked up, OH MY GOSH! he was like.. there!! there's 2 guys with him. lets call them.. A and E. E was standing next to him if i'm not wrong. and one shocking thing is.. E nudged him!! i'm like.. god! does he know that i like him or something like that? he was smiling.. my brain's wires were like.. telling me to smile back. so i did!
GOSHGOSHGOSH! XD


i regret going to school today. i'm not feeling well and i kept coughing throughout the whole day. thanks lin! thanks for the sore throat medicine! appreciate it.


jessie nggggg rocks my socks! heh heh.. surprised to see your name here eh?
bahahahaha!


i'm glad. i cant be even more glad than glad. i'm super duper glad that you did smiled at me!
that really cheered & brighten up my day. (:

total defence day today.. had to wake up at 0530. ahhh! lack of sleep.. i could have slept for 1 more hr.. 1 hr makes a difference k?


commonwealth girl guides had won the GOLD pna award!! -cheers loudly- mrs teo called for all the guides no stand up. no one did.. i guess everyone's too embarassed.. including me. i saw no one standing up. so.. i din stand up. LOL!


thanks people for those valentine's day gifts! i still rmb ytd.. at bout 2+.. i went into the classroom.. assafiy was there. i went to check my hp. i started screaming. poor assafiy.. he had to endure my loudness. =)


miss lim gave us 2 class tee designs. the whole class chose yilian's! i must agree.. its v v nice! i wanted it to be purple. but no one wants. so.. no choice.


i think i'm coming down with a sore throat.. so sickening!! i feel so terrible.. so horrible.. so vegetable.
HAHAHAHAHA! but one thing's for sure!
i'm still v v hyper. (:


yays! i've put chinese songs in my blog! wow.. surprising.. xD


had fnn today.. received back our test papers. 7 passes.. 11 failures. i crossed my fingers.. i sure hope i dont fail! in the end.. i got the 5th position. first was kenneth!! so envy!! but! i did pass! i failed my first test.. but i passed now! yays~


after school went to e red-table with yilian, puifun, jie and olivia! we talked and talked and talked.. talked until we talked about collecting cans to sell them at a v low price. saw 2 old ladies sitting beside us. olivia and i went to give them. they thanked us.. i felt a gush of warmth. i wonder when was the last time i did a good deed. i wonder.. if i grow old, will i be like that? will i be able to pass my O lvls? i'm sure to get into an ITE for sure! no doubt bout that.


him, him and him.. i saw him everyday.. but he dont even notice me anymore. we used to at least greet each other, or even just a smile. how i missed those times.. i used to laugh secretly everytime you said hi to me for smiled.. i wanna turn back time.


"Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why, you made me feel good, made me smile. i see it now and i can say its gone, that would be a lie, cannot control this. this thing called love"

i'm depressed. i'm in despair.. i'm on the verge of breaking down!


sighs.. have not talked to him for a long time..

she's getting on my nerves. & i'm still wondering what she have told me..
was it true?

tsk tsk tsk..


i hate those stuffs that varnish woods or some other things. the whole house is stinky! filled with that stench.
eeee!

go to 3/6, and look at the table which is the most eye-catching.

"MCR!" and "JOYCE =]" i scotchtaped it and den wrote what i want to write on the tape. clever ain it? =)


she's such a flirt.

goodness me.

its been a long time, everything is changing, so many things have happened.. and i'm gonna spill out everything out in my blog.


i'm abit upset over the whole "him" thing. i almost cried whenever i thought about it. i cant really rmb it now.. but yeah. signs of hopelessness..


i'm practically sleeping when i'm walking. have to tell pf to hold me when i'm walking cos i was closing my eyes. i'm god damn deprived of sleep! had fnn today.. and we're supposed to have practical today. but he din come on wed's lesson. so had theory lessons today. my sitting position on the chair was like sitting on the floor. den, faizal was talking craps. closing my eyes. closing.. closing. i almost fell off the chair. v v boring.. i want practicals!!


my sec 3 life so far has been really really saddening. i'm almost so stressed out everyday. like today.. i have to rush to lessons all day. on monday, have to rush ard the class as we have to pack our maths file. we were late for ss lessons for about 16mins. had to run downstairs to buy the english file.. and have to run upstairs. during recess.. was having so much fun until i forgot i was almost late for fnn lessons! ran upstairs. wad a "rushy" day..

sorry puifun, jez, sam, fazly, haqim and guohao! i wasnt feeling myself during ss period. sorry for flaring up.. sorry for not replying you guys.. sorry for as i was showing my dull face.. sorry peeps! (:


sometimes i wonder.. are they being fair to me? i seemed to be the only cheery one, smiling and laughing. some people showed me the black face. but i still tried my best to make myself smile dont i? i tried my best.. but did you guys do the same thing as me? i seriously do wish you guys would do the same thing as me.. cos its not fair to me. i do love you guys loads. and i want to cherish everything i have now.. i dont wanna feel regretful anymore..


total defence rehersal was v v fun! i've sprained my leg and my arm. and the best thing is.. i've got to carry yilian. so everytime when my part comes, i've got to suffer.. *ouch* .. i love playing with the poles! poking people with it. hahaha!


i'm not suppose to say it but.. i'm not naming anyone!! =) okay. she told me.. that that guy wants to know bs' oh so beautiful name. my first reaction was like.. wtf? that guy was like.. in a relationship?! have he got a stem in between his eyes? i wrote, mother fucker in the convo.. ahhh! so disgusting! she scolded him. yeah.. but.. wad harm can he do? seriously, if that guy breaks up with the girl he's with now, and steads with bs, i'm gonna kill both the guy and the girl.


i din know so many people hates her. i was sitting near her. i couldnt stand it.. so i knock the chair off and walked off.
she was like.. acting so sickening cute, i couldnt stand it. went over to sp and her classmate's spot. i told dem wad happened. they just simply agreed with me! i never thought that she could have to many "supporters".


syya! eoesomn ysa htt im kolr dse.. huip? HAHAHAHAHA!!


i think he's giving me the cold shoulder. =(


everything's messed up.

Weee~!!! Jus finished my reunion dinner liaoz...yum yum!!! =)



Happie new yr ppl!!! Wee~!!! *grinz* e dinner was great!!! My family n me ate it at e balcony there, instead at e dining rm, lolx...quite special...first time in my whole life ate at e balcony there...lolx...those ppl stayin near us can c us lehz...lolx... =)



Saw sam's blog jus nw, agree 2 wad she saes in e post~!!! Totally agree sammi!!! =D ...she sooo action, go copy ppl wear contacr lenses...sum of our klass e gers sooo bitchy...haiz...sumtimes i realli hate my klass ppl, esp those bois...dey soooo pervertic 1...eeeww!!! Den sum gers keep flirting wif e teachers lor!!! Wanna be e teacher's pet mah...THICK-SKINNED!!!!!!



Hahaha...i gtg downstairs wif my family le!!! Later cum hm den update sumore!! Weee~!!! Bubyez ppl!!! Happie new yr!!!! =D

monday was super! yeah~ had our CME prokect skit. it went really really PERFECT!! my sister, yilian and the rest of the "extras" were at the backstage. we were the last class to perform. after the 2nd last class, it was 3/6's turn! i was really really really nervous and at the same time, quite happy. den, here comes our part. we had to run to the "durian seller" and den waited for them to buy. and den we shouted, "oi! faster lah" i was practically laughing onstage. mrs terrance said it was very very nice. other teachers said it was very funny and entertaining too! YAYS! i love 3/6! (:


after assembly, we walked down to the canteen. saw him on the way. gosh!! i was looking at him, he was looking at my direction. kept looking and looking, and, whe he's behind me, he suddenly said in a loud voice, "HI!!" ahahaha! gave me a shock. laughed non-stop.


today was quite okay bah. had the wear full guides U. our thinking day was on the 22nd of feb. ahhh! scary. wankee told me that she knows that he knows that i'm me!! confusing ain it? LOL! but wankee just wouldnt tell me wad she and him talked about! ahhh!! wankee! i'm gonna force you to say it! muahaha!


i love alibaba! and that's the truth!
i love pali, i love sali, i love gali!

muacks! =)


i want to talk to you, not only just a hi.

after much consideration and thinking on what happened on friday, i feel so foolish for not cherishing what i had. ahh! why why why?! i'm so dumb to let the chance slip by. blame it all on my stupidity.. blame it all on my cheeriness. i'm such a fool, a jerk. how stupid can i get?


left so much maths qus.. die die die. i'm lagging in maths. somebody! help me!!


oh so cute. (:

i'm touched. seriously i am. he told me, i'm never an extra to him.. aww. sweet (:
does he even knows that i like him?
i still rmb ytd, when we had our rehersal. i dint know he's gonna be there. but yes, yes indeed, he was there.. oh so adorable! =)


i'll like to comment on "mei nu's" attitude ytd. she's such a bitch who cant stop showing off her beautiful legs to all the guys in the uniform grps. and she'll lie on the floor, and pretend to sleep, as if she's sleeping beauty, waiting for her prince charming to kiss her to wake her up. -disgusted- she betrays her friends, use guys. goodness.. now, she got the part that the 6 of us wanted. actually, we, the diveters wanted to take that part, she wanted and insisted that she will do a better job. well, she got it, she got the part. and we dont. are you happy now?


sorry clara! cant watch the movie today with the c. gang. sorry! my hmwk load is multiplying itself. -sighs- i'm stressed out!


mummy and daddy are coming home today! i wonder wad mummy bought for me.. teeheehee. xD


i'm feeling high and hyper today.. so, i've decided the post some photos of the greatest band ever!! ahahahaha!!

gerard looks dead. (: (vocals)

mikey's so cute!! (bass)

he looks depressed. LOL (guitar)

tatoos all ard him! (guitar)

HAHAHAHA! BOB! (drums)

from left to right.

bob bryar, mikey way, gerard way, ray toro and frank iero!!

AHHH!! I LOVE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE !!!

the more i talk to you, the more i'm falling more deeply into you.

this is the happiest day of my life!


haven use this sentence for ages.. i'm hyper and overjoyed!


i'm stressed out. i cant take it anymore.. both my A and E maths are getting from bad to worse. drop them? i'll think about it.. (:


had history test today. that fucking bastard firdaus was sitting next to me. i intended to copy joelle's work, but, think about it!! i'll get caught.. and, i'll never learn anything. while doing the wkshts, he kept copying my work. endured the anger.. and during the test, from my side view, i can see him turning his head and looking at my work!! outrageous ain it? wanted to punch his head and turn his head ard. argh.. i'm so mad!!


cca was fun! played caption's ball. huishin keep blocking me!! gosh.. had a great time! had the total defence skit rehersal today. shiping, adeline, jie, puifun, yilian and me were the people who direct people off the "bomb" area. pretty funny huh? LOL. he was there!!! AHHH!!


looked at him. gosh.. he's so kuku! so cute!! so sotong!! goodness.. got a break. joan was like.. "joyce! lai lai! come i intro.." saw that he WAS there!! okok. i was v v shy at that time.. went to hide my face.. something like that.. noticed something.. he was also shy at that time!! ahahaha!! he said hi.. yea~ waved back.. ahh! seriously.. i cant stop smiling.. my face like.. some sort of.. went red.. =/


shiping and i decided to partner each other for the skit thinggy! we're taking the left side if i'm not wrong. we were like that most unluckiest among the rest of the 2 pairs. we had to stay under the sun for a v v long period. we're becoming chao da. i'm envy!! jessie was sitting next to him! -screams- they did turned at our direction for a few times. jessie told me that she asked him about me. -double screams- i wont say what she told me here.. pardon me. i'm freaked out.. =)


went to watch " i not stupid too " today with yilian, jie and adeline after guides today. had a hard time deciding where to watch it. went to jurong entertainment in the end.

the show was indeed fab!! i cried 5 times in the show.. very touching. i give the show.. 9 out of 10 stars! =D


and!! we've received news that girl guides have won the GOLD PNA AWARD!! ahhh!! *claps* we screamed when we heard the news. yays! guides won the gold award!!


i wanted to sms him. but.. should i? i'm confused.. again..


i've never been so hyper and cheerful in ages. (:

i'm touched by what some people wrote in their posts. they have a sense of willingness to let people know their moods, make people feel touched and contented. now that's what i call, great bloggers. (:


yes.. some people find her very annoying. but, overall, according to some people, she's just bossy at times.. yeah. BUT I STILL FIND HER ANNOYING! hate me cause i hate her. i dont care anymore.. jez told me SHE* told everyone that she started the thing which i started. PLEASE LAH.. have a sense of originality. what nonsense..


he said hi to me!! -SCREAMS-
i'm overjoyed!!


i wonder whats mum and dad doing now? i'm starting to miss those times when they were nagging at me, esp my mum, ticking me off cause my chinese was terrible. my dad would be poking his nose into my E. and A. maths.. and i'll be like.. aiyo, i know how to do lah. some sort like that.


i think i'm gonna flunk my chinese exams or tests.. that tweety bird's teaching is seriously in need of help. had spelling. i copied pf's. i looked up, she's staring into my eyes. scary.. and i went to put the chemistry wkshts into irene's shelf, i saw tweety bird again.. and she's giving me that same creepy look again!! she's getting me to the principal sooner or later.. -sighs-


have 3/6 no respect for their chemistry rep? told them to hand in their wkshts, they dont. in the end, all of them dumped the wkshts to me after irene ticked them off. cant they see i have no hands to carry them? today, wrote on the board to hand the wkshts to me, screamed at them to hand it to me and i'll hand them in. no one did.. instead, she scolded me, telling me to shut up. god.. bad attitudes. had to go to each of them to ask them whether they handed in anot. their annoyed faces.. gosh.


okay. have to pia through history.. haven even touched my fnn hmwk..
-kills myself-


you dont have to act you know?

pali !! sali !! gali !! and last but not least.. jali !! if you people are wondering what i'm saying.. it goes like this.. alibaba! our clan.. pf, sam, jie and me! i started calling us like that during english period. or maths period.. cant rmb. i took the first 3 words, alibaba to ali. and put our first letter from each of our names to ali. so.. yeah! pali, sali, gali and jali!! seriously.. i can be that lame.


got 18 for english common test! i was the last to take back the paper. and guess wad? gali for 16, sali got 17, i got 18 and pali got 19!! fated ain it? thats what i thought :D


during fnn.. i was really really sleepy. den faizal said, those who are sleepy, pls go and wash ur face. no one did. i started yawning.. he said, "joyce! go and wash ur face!" washed. i went back to my seat.. i feel a sudden urge to yawn again, not knowing he was watching me. he saw me yawn again.. he said,"wah! joyce arh.. wash ur face ardy still tired." gosh..


i think kerk's weird but at the same time, he's funny. i offered to give him a mentos green apple sweet today. he accepted! den we all, "all hor" him. he just chuckled and walked off.. he's funny.


mummy and daddy are going overseas tmr! and that means.. FREEDOM!! yays!! and mummy and daddy, yi lun shun fong! may your trip be enjoyable!


i've not seen you for a long period of time.
i miss you alot..